After taking one last thorough look at the Danube from the roof of my hotel, both upstream and downstream in Passau, I promptly booked a boat trip to inspect the rest of the water more closely. However, on the journey via Linz to Vienna, it became clear: no matter how hard I tried with my sharp tiger eyes, there were no new insights into the blue of the Danube.
My investigations in Vienna hadn’t really started off very promisingly either. I disembarked to examine the Danube from various perspectives. From the famous Danube Island to the Prater—nothing. Not a hint of blue.
The mysterious diplomat
I was already planning to search the famous Naschmarkt for clues, because that sounded very tasty, when an unknown diplomat in an extremely exquisite uniform approached me:
“Monsieur von Tiger, if you are truly the great detective you claim to be, you should inform our beloved Empress Sissi. Surely she knows more about the disappearance of the colour blue.“
That sounded plausible. After all, Empress Sissi was known for her sense of beauty and her love of poetry. “Where can I find her?” I asked seriously. “In the city park, of course,” the diplomat replied with a mischievous grin, which I would only later realize was very revealing.
The “encounter” with Empress Sissi
I immediately headed to the park. There I found it—elegant, majestic, but… made of marble. “A monument! That villain has made a fool of me!” I exclaimed, causing some young ducks to swim around me, giggling. “Mind your own quacking!” I scolded.
I inspected the monument thoroughly nonetheless. “Who knows? Maybe he’s hidden something here he wants to draw my attention to“, I murmured, gently tapping the pedestal. A pigeon, disturbed by my behavior, promptly punished me with an unpleasant drop. Geez! It wasn’t my finest moment.
Observations in the castle
I vowed to return the favor, and my opportunity came that very evening. I had been invited by the highest authorities to a reception at Schönbrunn Palace. A whole horde of diplomats had to be appeased. The pompous diplomat who had sent me to the park was, of course, present—he approached me with a smug grin.
“Ah, Mr. von Tiger! Did you give my regards to Sissi?” he sneered, laughing openly. The rest of the crowd joined in his laughter. I really need to show him off a little!
“Monsieur,” I began coolly and with deliberate politeness, “it may be that you underestimate me because you don’t know me well enough. But I know you all the better for it.“
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? I don’t know if we’ve met before today. How do you think you know me?“
“It’s not a matter of belief, but of observation, Monsieur“, I replied. “And I don’t need more than our two brief encounters today to know about a simple character like you.“
“What do you know about me?” he snorted contemptuously.
I stepped closer to him. “Aside from the fact that your diplomatic skills leave much to be desired, as I learned firsthand, I know that you smoke a pipe, probably a meerschaum one. I also know that you were recently in India—presumably for business, but perhaps also to escape an unpleasant situation here in Vienna that stemmed from your lack of diplomatic skills. I also know that you were ill upon your return home, a cold from being in the air-conditioned airplane.”
He stared at me speechless, his jaw slowly opening and closing. The audience murmured in awe. The arrogant diplomat stammered, “But… how…?“
I smiled triumphantly. “I don’t just see, I observe“, I lectured.
“What’s the difference?” he grumbled to himself.
I explained, “Let me give you an example to illustrate what I mean. Please describe the wall of the room behind you!“
He thought for a moment and began: “Well, it’s dark yellow, tall, and has windows…”
“How many windows?” I interrupted.
“Uh… I’m afraid I don’t know”, he admitted.
I walked slowly around him, head held high, triumphantly saying, “See, that’s the difference. You only see, you don’t observe. Such details can be extremely important, and often they lead me directly to the solution of a case I’m observing instead of just seeing. Aye!“
Applause erupted in the crowd, and I was besieged from many sides to reveal my current findings on the missing blue of the Danube. Of course, at this stage of my investigation, I couldn’t reveal any details. That would have jeopardized all further steps—at least, that’s how I explained it to the assembled diplomats.
What I didn’t explain: I had gleaned all this personal information about the arrogant would-be diplomat from his public Facebook profile, which I had carefully studied before the reception. It was almost too easy: the photos from India, the deleted status about his former high-ranking position in the Foreign Ministry, a post about his cold, the griping about the cold airplane cabin, and the constant boastful selfies with meerschaum pipes.
The treacherous braggart had quietly slipped away. My satisfaction was boundless as I walked through the magnificent halls of Schönbrunn one last time. “No one messes with René von Tiger without getting punished“, I chuckled to myself as I walked to the buffet.
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